Bonne nuit mon bebe - je t'aime

Today I have to do the unthinkable, bury my own baby. 

There are no words for what we are going through. People have tried to advise us on what we should be doing, feeling or saying. This is upsetting. Because at the end of the day, I was the one who had to find words to explain to Baby MiH that his little brother will not be there anymore. 

There is sadness and happiness in our house. Because it is still ok to be happy, and it is ok to be sad too. I scheduled this post so that it coincide with the mass celebration. I am not sure how to convey how lucky we feel that we got to spend time with him and glad for the memories. This poem that will be read at mass capture the sadness and happiness we are experiencing. 

I’ll lend you a little child of mine’ he said,

‘for you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead.

he may be six or seven years or even two or three,

but will you, till I call him back take care of him for me?

he’ll bring his charm to gladen you, and, should his stay be brief,

you’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, 

but lessons are taught down there I want this child to learn

I’ve look the wide world over in search for teachers true

and from the throng that crowd life’s lanes I have selected you

now will you give him all you love nor think the labors vain,

nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?’

I fancied that I heard them say ‘dear Lord thy will be done, 

for the joys the child shall bring the risk of grief we’ll run.

we’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may

And for the happiness we’ve known forever grateful stay.

but should the angels call him much sooner than we planned 

we’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.